“The wise man doesn’t give the right answers, he poses the right questions.” — Claude Levi-Strauss

You just made a big mistake.

You tried to force your will on someone else. You even laid out all of the facts. Were you surprised to see them resist and even get defensive? “The passion for truth is silenced by answers which have the weight of undisputed authority.” [Paul Tillich]

When attempting to win hearts and minds, the best approach is often indirect.

Consider the following competing approaches:

1. Give a person the answer or command them. (direct)

2. Help a person come to the answer with your guidance. (indirect)

There is a time to be direct, but not when you want someone to fully understand the answer and remember it for life. That requires the more indirect approach of finding the answer within.

You don’t need The Force to gain compliance... just time, patience and good intentions to win hearts and minds. A little coaching goes a long way. The results are lasting, even transformative.

“The answer lies within ourselves. If we can’t find peace and happiness there, it’s not going to come from the outside.” — Tenzin Palmo

Use these coaching techniques to help others find answers within:

• Ask questions.

• Listen closely.

• Reflect what you see and hear.

• Don’t be a hero and just vend solutions.

The person you are coaching may not be ready for the answer. Forcing it will only lead to the resistance and defensiveness of commands. They will be less likely to seek your counsel in the future.

Don’t give people a cheat sheet for your life. Their life is different, and you want them to understand, not memorize.

The best answers come from within while experiencing firsthand the solution to a problem. In this way, your knowledge becomes their wisdom.

🤔 Food for Thought:

Have you ever played the hero by just vending out solutions?

Have you ever had someone get defensive when you took a strong position?

Are you up for the challenge of using real-life Jedi techniques?

⚙️ One Small Step:

The next time someone asks you for advice, try to only ask questions. Stay away from commands. Avoid being the hero and vending solutions tailored to your experience.